


We never leave the past behind

by robron_til_the_end



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M, seb finds out the truth, teenage seb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:00:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28405902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robron_til_the_end/pseuds/robron_til_the_end
Summary: Seb is fourteen when he discovers that his conception might not have been so perfect. How does he react? First shared in tumblr snippets, now a one shot.
Relationships: Aaron Dingle & Robert Sugden & Seb White, Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Comments: 9
Kudos: 121





	We never leave the past behind

“So, can you come?” Elsie said, huddled around the classroom desks.

“Yeah, my parents are going to be out on Saturday,” Seb said. “I’ll be there.”

“Where are they going?” Isaac asked.

“Anniversary.”

“Again?” Isaac asked. “They just had one before Christmas.”

“Yeah, wedding this time,” Seb said. “I don’t care, it means I can sneak out.” But even though he reassured his friends he could come to the party on Saturday, something niggled at him. It was his dads anniversary, he knew that, but even so. Seb waited until he got home from school then stole his dads phone while he was cooking, hiding upstairs. He wanted to have a look at his facebook, and it was only for old people so Seb didn’t have an account. 

Seb scrolled back on “Robert Sugden”’s profile, quickly finding what he was after. It didn’t take long to find 2017. The wedding pictures were obvious and Seb recognised the Woolpack. God, they both looked young. He looked at the date and did some quick maths. Shit. His birthday was… 9 months after the date on these wedding photos. Was Robert cheating on his Da, even when those photos were taken? He couldn’t be. They both looked stupid happy, and if he had been cheating with his mum at the time, why would they celebrate their anniversary? Did Aaron know? Of course he did, Seb realised shaking his head. He’d have worked it out way before Seb had.

Was it a long time affair? Is that what he was? The result of a love affair that got in the way of his dads? November the ninth. That’s Seb’s birthday, take nine months off that and you’re looking at early February. Before the wedding pictures were posted all over facebook. God, Robert could have cheated before the wedding even. Why would he go through with it?!

Seb felt like a dirty little secret. How could it never have occurred to him to look up the dates? Why had he never bothered? He was fourteen, he wasn’t a little child any more and they’d kept it from him?

“Hey, have you seen my phone?” Robert asked, going into Seb’s bedroom after knocking once. “What are you doing?”

“Looking for wedding pictures of you and Da,” Seb said. Robert smiled softly.

“Because of our anniversary coming up?”

“When were you with mum?” Seb asked, putting the phone down and looking at Robert steadily. “When did I happen? You married Da before I existed… so…”

Robert flinched and looked incredibly guilty and that pretty much sealed it. “I’m your dirty little secret am I?!” Seb shouted. “When were you going to tell me?!”

“When you were sixteen,” Robert said. “That’s what we all agreed. You don’t know the full story, Seb.”

“You were screwing my mum before you married my da?! What is there to explain?!” Robert looked completely confused. “I can count, dad!”

“No,” Robert said. “You were early. You were born weeks and weeks early.” Okay, he might have got that wrong, but what was he supposed to think?!!! Especially as no one had ever bothered to tell him.

“I thought… you had a thing with mum then met Da after. Not before. Or at the same time!”

“I know,” Robert said, fighting to hold onto his calm, wishing Aaron was here. He, Robert, was the big bad wolf in this scenario, he needed Aaron to keep everything together. “If you want answers, you’re going to have to listen to me.” Seb’s face was angry, but he said nothing. “I met your Da in 2014.”

“There was definitely an overlap then,” Seb snapped.

“Me and Aaron were on and off for a very long time,” Robert said.

“Not if you were getting married, you weren’t!” Seb shouted. “Was it a long time affair? Did you keep fucking her when she lost her brain?”

“Seb!” Robert shouted. “That’s over the line. I know you’re angry, you’re right to be, but do not speak to me like that.”

“What’s going on?” They both looked at Aaron having walked over the threshold to Seb’s bedroom, nine year old Annie in his arms, having heard the shouting and clinging to her dad.

“Don’t worry, you just stay with the wanted child,” Seb said, throwing Robert his phone, grabbing his hoodie and storming down the stairs, throwing his trainers on and leaving before his parents could catch up.

“What’s going on?” Aaron asked.

“Seb realised something about his conception,” Robert said quickly. “That we were together and he’s flipped.”

“I can see he’s flipped,” Aaron said. “You’ve got to find him, I’ll stay here with Annie.”

“Why me?”

“You’re the one he’s angry at,” Aaron said. “Call me when you find him.” Robert nodded, not even stopping to kiss Aaron or Annie goodbye.

“Why’s Seb angry?” Annie asked.

“He’s just having an argument with your dad,” Aaron said. “It’ll all be sorted by the time you wake up tomorrow.” Aaron hoped he was right. Annie rolled her eyes. 

“I know it’s bad when you talk baby to me,” Annie said with a sigh. “I’ve got homework.” God, she was growing up so fast.

* * *

First things first, Robert checked the cafe and the pub before he went up to the farm and checked Moira’s. Isaac hadn’t seen him, apparently. He didn’t look as if he was lying but those two were thick as thieves. And it was getting dark too, so that added another layer of worry onto Robert. He had to find him.

Eventually Robert did find Seb at the farm, in one of his and Isaac’s hideout sheds. A wooden contraption that probably shouldn’t still be standing. “Hey.”

“I thought you’d be happy you lost me,” Seb grumbled, almost hiding himself in his oversized hoodie. He was fourteen, long and lanky and right now, very angry and upset, perched on a hay bale.

“I never want to lose you,” Robert said, sitting opposite him. “But I owe you an explanation, I know that.”

“How long was the affair?” Seb asked.

“One night.” Seb scoffed.

“Oh, please. That’s really easy to say now.”

“No, Seb. It was once,” Robert said. “And believe me, it wasn’t easy to say. Because I hurt Aaron, and you’re young but you know what that would have done to me.”

“Once?”

“Once.”

“You got bloody unlucky then,” Seb said.

“ ** _We_** got very lucky,” Robert said, emphasising the word we. “Because we all got you.” Seb rolled his eyes and shrugged. Even though biologically there was no link, there was so much of Aaron in him and it always made Robert's heart skip a little to see it.

“Was it after you married Da?”

“Yes,” Robert said and Seb sighed as Robert took a seat on a haybale. “Anything you want to ask, I’ll tell you.”

“Why doesn’t Da hate me?”

“Because you’re his little boy,” Robert said. “Even topping six foot, you’ll always be our little boy.” Seb shrugged, like he was indifferent.

“He should hate me,” Seb said. “I should hate you.” He sounded more upset than angry, and under the circumstances, Robert would take that.

“He never hated you, he hated me,” Robert said. “None of it was  _ ever _ your fault, Seb. We never ever blamed you, we were all adults who screwed up.”

“So I’m the result of a screw up?” Seb said, now the anger coming through. Robert sighed. “Why did you cheat on Da?” Seb asked. “I thought you loved him.”

“I do love him,” Robert said. “I always did, and I always will. Nothing will ever change that.”

“Then WHY!” Seb snapped.

“Aaron... he didn’t want you to know this, okay?” Seb waited. “Aaron was in prison.” Seb’s eyes popped open wide in surprise. “The day after our wedding was his sentencing, it’s why we rushed through the first wedding we had.”

“Why was he in prison.?”

“GBH,” Robert said. “He beat up some bloke when he was angry. It came back to bite him on the arse.”

“How long was he in prison for?” Seb asked.

“He was sentenced to eighteen months,” Robert said. Seb looked shocked. “Reduced to twelve because he pled guilty to the charge. I wasn’t happy with that, I’m sure you can imagine.”

“You two are embarrassing when you spend two days apart,” Seb said with a screwed up nose and Robert smiled.

“Yeah, well...” Robert agreed. “I started an appeal against his sentence. But while that was going on, we were also renovating the Mill, I’d become responsible for both mine and your Da’s business at the same time, and I couldn’t sleep without him here either.” Robert shook his head at his past self. “I’m making excuses, I know I am.”

“What happened?”

“When I visited Aaron in prison he was angry at how slow the appeal was going, and a lot of other things.” Robert had to mention prison. He had no intention of telling Seb about Aaron’s drug use if he didn’t have to. “He said he didn’t want to see me again and... I went into freefall. The idea of Aaron saying he never wanted to see me again? I’m sure you can imagine how well that went over.”

“Yeah,” Seb said. “I can. Then... I happened?”

“Pretty much,” Robert said. “I’m not proud of myself, and I knew I’d have to tell you one day.”

“How did Da find out?”

“I told him,” Robert said. “I couldn’t bear lying to him once he’d got out of prison. I didn’t know about you then.”

“When did you find out... I existed?”

“A few days after,” Robert said. “We couldn’t tell you when you were little, you must know that.”

“Yeah, but...” Seb sniffed. “It’s a shock. I thought you met Da after me. I never thought you would have got with him before... and then...”

“Seb, neither of us would ever change you. Not ever.”

“I bet Da would,” Seb said.

“No,” Robert said firmly. “I’m sure there were a couple of months when your mum was pregnant, but not since you were born.”

“How do you know that?!” Seb snapped.

“Because I know everything about Aaron. I know him better than anyone in the world. I remember the look on his face when he held you for the first time. I know how much Aaron could never ever resent any child, let alone you. I know, Seb.” Seb brushed his hand over his face angrily.

“It’s hard to know… I wasn’t wanted.”

“I know,” Robert said, putting his arm around Seb. “If it makes you feel any better, you’ve always been wanted since you were born, always. It’s better than the other way around, to be a planned baby then constantly feel like you’re not wanted when you’re growing up, trust me.”

“It hurts.” He sounded very young.

“I know that too.”

* * *

Aaron sat on the sofa, leg bouncing up and down as he waited for Robert and Seb to come back home. He’d put Annie to bed with her books, and she’d been more than happy to escape the atmosphere as Aaron stressed. Robert had text him saying he’d found Seb, but Aaron hadn’t heard anything else.

Aaron was so worried. About Seb, of course, but also... Aaron felt like he was the removable person here. If Seb took against him, it’d be really hard to get that relationship back. Robert was Seb’s biological father, Aaron didn’t matter officially. It’d all be down to how Seb reacted and he hoped against hope that Aaron had done his job well in the last 14 years, and that parenting his boy was about more than genetics.

The door opened and Seb and Robert blew in. Seb still looked upset, Robert looked surprisingly calm.

“Why did you take me in?” Seb asked Aaron. He looked like he’d been crying.

“Because you stopped whining whenever I held you,” Aaron said. “You were grizzling a lot when you were... a couple of months old, and Robert was drowning.”

“Thanks,” Robert said sarcastically.

“I remember it so clearly,” Aaron said. “The phone was ringing at the yard, you were crying, we had a delivery due of scrap, and I just took you to shut you up. You settled in my arms and you looked at me. You looked at me with your blue eyes and the tension in your tiny body just went. You smiled, then fell asleep on my chest. I was so gone for you. You looked just like your dad, but with all his bad impulses removed.”

“Oh, cheers,” Robert said.

“I remember you hanging upside down from a tree from your ankle,” Aaron added. “You’ve got no room to talk.”

“I want to kill Vic for telling you that. It was an accident!” Aaron smiled, even in spite of himself.

“How long was it?” Seb asked. “From you getting back together with dad before... I came here?”

“Two days?” Aaron said. “I honestly can’t remember. Not long.” Seb nodded.

“Can I talk to Da on my own?” Robert was surprised, but nodded, looking at Aaron for a split second before going upstairs. Seb looked defensive still, but he sat on the opposite end of the sofa, shoulders high.

“Why didn’t you hate me?” Seb asked. “You should have.”

“I’ll be honest,” Aaron said. “I hated the idea of you. I wanted kids with Robert, even back then and to know he was having a kid with someone else really hurt me.” Aaron sighed. “I was also jealous as hell.”

Seb frowned. “Jealous? Why?”

“I wanted a family with Robert, I had for a while. But two men… it’s not easy to have kids, and here was this woman who could do it without even trying? Yeah, I was jealous of your mum.”

“What was it like when I was born?” Seb asked. “Honestly. Don’t sugar coat it.”

“It was a weird day,” Aaron said. “When your mum was pregnant there’s a certain amount of… it’s not really real. Because the baby is just this thing that you know exists, but you can’t see and doesn’t affect anything. But then you were born, and you suddenly became real. Robert had a bit of a freak out, because… well, he’s Robert and he didn’t want to let you down. I talked him down, though.”

“Were you together?”

“No,” Aaron said. “ Not then. I found him panicking over you at the scrap yard. Told him he was an idiot, and you were more important than anything else in Robert’s life.”

“Even you?”

“Yeah, of course,” Aaron said. “Me and Robert, we’re both adults, we make our own choices, even back then. You were tiny and helpless. You were relying on all three of us to be sensible. You were more important, Seb.”

“When did you first see me?” Seb asked.

“I think you were about a week old when Robert brought you to the pub,” Aaron said. “I was covering for mum behind the bar, and I thought to myself “why now? Why did Robert pick now to come and show you off?” Seb smiled without humour.

“He does have good timing,” Seb said and Aaron smiled.

“You were tiny,” Aaron said. “I could barely even see you behind Robert’s hands, you were so small. It was a weird feeling, I’m not going to lie. But it surprised me that… I didn’t hate you, I didn’t resent you, you were just this… tiny thing relying on Robert to be an adult, God help you.” Seb actually laughed at that.

“The first time I held you was in the yard. After I’d met you? No. I never hated you. You’re my boy, okay? I want to be the one to teach you how to drive, I’ve got plans with you.”

“Do you think of Annie as your real kid?” Seb asked. “I’m just the spare?”

“No,” Aaron said. “I’ve never treated either of you differently. You’re both my kids. Who got taken to ballet classes when he insisted, eh?” Seb blushed, even though he smiled at the same time.

“I  _ was _ six.”

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “I know. Come here.” Aaron hugged Seb tight, and knew that in the end they’d be okay.

* * *

Aaron grabbed the whisky bottle, took a swig of it before handing it to Robert on the sofa.

“That’s what started this mess,” Robert said, though he took the whisky anyway.

“After today, I need a drink,” Aaron said. “I knew it was coming but...”

“Yeah, not right now,” Robert said. “I’m exhausted.”

“You’re exhausted?” Aaron asked. “I half thought he was going to say I didn’t count as his parent after today.”

“No, you know he loves you. It’s me he’s angry at,” Robert said. “I’m angry at me too. God, I just made such a mess of everything.”

“Look...” Aaron said, drinking more whisky. “I don’t think either of us would argue, 2017 was a very bad year for us.” Robert snorted. “But we’re here. It’s a long long time ago. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Do you still think of me... and her?” Robert asked.

“No,” Aaron said. “Why, do you?”

“It was foggy at the time, I don’t even remember it now,” Robert said honestly.

“Good,” Aaron said. “I like to know I’m more memorable.” Robert flipped Aaron onto his back on the sofa, looming over him, Aaron laughing.

“I remember my first time with you, doesn’t that matter?”

“You were nervous as hell,” Aaron said, smiling into Robert’s kisses on his neck.

“No I wasn’t!” Robert said indignantly.

“You were,” Aaron said. “A good shag though.”

Robert laughed loudly before kissing into his neck, murmuring, “you’re the best I’ve ever had.” Another couple of kisses. “No one ever comes close.”

“I know,” Aaron said. “I like being reminded every now and then.” Robert laughed.

“I wouldn’t have got through that conversation with Seb without you today,” Robert said. “I needed you.” Aaron smiled, not arguing.

“I want sex,” Aaron said quietly, eyes flicking up and Robert gripped his hand, pulling him up the stairs, giggling like teenagers.


End file.
